Boring Brown

Boring brown. That’s how I used to (and sometimes still do) describe the color of my eyes and it sort of sums up how I feel about myself at times. There’s nothing special about the color of my eyes. My sister has beautiful blue/green eyes that change color depending on the weather, her mood, the color she’s wearing, what she ate for lunch…you get the picture. She is as free-spirited as her eye color. She’s like a golden retriever puppy. Lovable, friendly, highly energetic, eager to please, and loyal - sometimes to a fault. She would give you the shirt off her back but would be worried that it might smell and you might not like it instead of for a second worrying about getting it back. People remember her.

My brother has brown eyes like me, except his are, as I like to describe, the color of melting chocolate. Seriously, if he’s really tired, or the sun hits his eyes at just the right angle, they look like they just might melt into a yummy mound of melted milk chocolate. People remember him, too. For one, he’s the baby in our family and the only boy. With enough charisma and personality to fill a stadium, he is a leader and an upstanding citizen concerned about the welfare of not only those around him, but of the world we live in. He is older beyond his years and I truly believe was put on this planet to do great things.

So what about me? Well, I was always an above-average student. In fact, I tend to be average or above-average at many things. Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all. The world needs average people just as much as it needs awesome leaders. Growing up, I was pretty shy and I think that was my crutch for not trying as hard to achieve greater things. “What if people don’t like me?” “What if I make a huge mistake and mess up and people get mad at me?”

It’s funny because my sister and I have an inside joke in which she refers to me as Lucy. One day, we were at a coffeehouse and ran into a family friend who recognized my sister right away but clearly had no clue as to who I was. My sister caught on to this once the person asked how her family was doing and she quickly replied that everyone was fine, then gestured to me and said “this is my friend, Lucy.” We both had to stifle our laughter, but sure enough, the guy shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me, err, Lucy. You’d think I’d be totally jazzed that I could walk through my life with a tiny bit of anonymity. I should have been able to live my life carefree and not worry about what others would think. Heck, no one remembered me anyway, so why not go crazy just this once? Instead, I found myself more concerned about why no one remembered me. Was I unfriendly? Sure, I was shy most of my life and have pretty much outgrown that, but still am not totally secure in social settings where I don’t know many people. I’m definitely not the schmoozing, ass-kissing type, but did I come off as indifferent or unkind?

I know there’s more to me than just boring brown eyes. I just need to find myself and feel secure enough to get beyond the boring and average part and dare to be different. In the meantime, I'm boring brown and I'm proud of it! There, I said it.